BOGOs, freebies and squirrels

Last weekend, I celebrated my birthday at my parents’ home.

Mom and Dad are both retired, yet they have each approached retirement in their own unique way.

Mom is a social butterfly. If I don’t catch her by phone in the morning after her daily walk, she’s often out and about until late afternoon. She is in high demand to play bridge and Mah-Jong with several groups and -- as a three-year breast cancer survivor -- also volunteers to counsel newly diagnosed patients. On less structured days, she goes out to lunch or to the movies with her friends.

Meanwhile, Dad’s days are pretty predictable: 18 holes of golf (within two hours; he’s an express golfer) and a brisk walk before dozing in front of the television for the remainder of the day.

The afternoon I arrived for my birthday weekend, I woke Dad from his intermittent nap so he could brief me on his favorite topics (aside from golf): BOGOs, freebies and squirrels.

As I mentioned in a previous post, Dad is a product of the Great Depression, so he’s always looking for a deal. He and Mom comb through the grocery store ads and visit several stores each week to hit all the sales. (That’s where I get it from!) Dad also collects buy-one-get-one (BOGO) free coupons for fast food restaurants by fishing through the trash at the post office. Apparently, a lot of people toss those valuable circulars after they’ve sorted through their mail. He keeps more coupons than he and Mom could hope to use, but he also spreads the wealth among the golf course starters, and other friends.

Scouting out the free meal offers from banks and financial advisors has also become an exact science. The meal and venue need to be of a certain quality before my parents will consider attending. They recently found freebie nirvana on St. Patrick’s Day. The event featured a sumptuous buffet with a wide variety of offerings, and a Venetian table of desserts. Jackpot!

Then, there are the squirrels. Dad pursues squirrels with a level of intensity that reminds me of Bill Murray’s quest to kill the gopher in Caddyshack. Although explosives are not yet part of Dad’s arsenal, he does spent an inordinate amount of time scheming to prevent squirrels from gaining access to the bird feeders in the front and back yards. Recently, he greased the surface of the backyard feeder with Vaseline. “It works!” he told me gleefully. “They slide right off.”

Yes, it’s the simple things that keep life exciting in my parents’ retirement. They deserve that, and more. So, here’s to many future birthdays and everydays, talking about BOGOs, freebies and squirrels.